Join Us for the Weekend

At Olde Fort Niagara

Looking for a Way to Begin Your 2004 Season?

May 15 & 16, 2004

Participate in Garrison-Wide Training or Train Your Own

All Federal and Confederate Reenactors Welcome

All Branches of Service as well as All Civilian Portrayals

Registration Now Open

For All Reenactors, Musicians, Civilians & Sutlers

Pre-Registration Fee $5.00

(Amenities include Firewood, Water & Straw)

Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them.

Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."

Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in, "Going to town, be back directly."

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they are related, even if only by marriage.

True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every true Southerner knows that eating tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee is perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food and that fried green tomatoes are not.

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'... ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

Only true Southerners ask for "light bread." That means you don't want cornbread or biscuits.

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way!

First Sgt. Roland Meiers is hereby charged with Dereliction of Duty while stationed at Cedar Creek, VA. The following action will support the charge mentioned above.

1^st Charge:

On the morning of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers failed to hold roll call, as a result the Officer of the Day and NCO of the Day were not apprised of their posts. Duties were not handed out to the troops. This resulted in the unit wondering who would get the fire wood and water.

2^nd Charge:

On the morning of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers was absent without leave and had to be hunted down. His presence was needed in supervising the detachments in drilling on the guns and overseeing the safety inspections. This resulted in the battery wandering aimlessly about the field looking for their absent leader and some became distract by the flying spiders and almost wandered in Federal hands, a close call for all.

3^rd Charge:

On the afternoon of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers failed to inspect the guns prior to battle to insure water was in the water buckets, primers were in the primer pouches and the proper accouterments were handed out. As a result the water found in the buckets was full of frogs and other pond dwellers which made proper sponging hard to do what with frogs and newts clinging to the sponge heads and Pvt. Henry spearing frogs with the Worm-head.

4^th Charge:

On the afternoon of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers failed to oversee the cleaning of the guns after the battle leaving the detachments to handle this duty unsupervised. As a result the crews cleaned the limbers instead of the guns and got lost returning to camp. They were later found in one of the local houses of ill repute .

5^th Charge:

On the afternoon of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers failed to inspect the limbers to insure they were locked and safe to leave unattended. As a result a bunch of young’ens stole some powder and made one humongous firecracker that blew a hole in the ground reminiscent of the Crater at Petersburg.

6^th Charge:

In the late afternoon of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers while in dress formation, broke ranks and proceeded to chat with the staff officers in front of the ranks. This resulted in panic among veteran members as they had flashbacks of previous problem childs.

7^th Charge:

In the evening of Saturday, October 18^th, First Sgt. Meiers left camp to mill around the Battalion Headquarters looking for favors from the staff officers. This resulted in the 1^st Sgt. being spotted later in the evening wearing what appeared to be chocolate pudding on his face.

8^th Charge:

On the morning of Sunday, October 19^th, First Sgt. Meiers again failed to hold roll call, as a result the Officer of the Day and NCO of the Day were not apprised of their posts. Duties were not handed out to the troops. As a result the members milled around camp aimlessly waiting for someone to give them the guidance they now lack.

9^th Charge:

On the afternoon of Sunday, October 19^th, First Sgt. Meiers was asked by a civilian member that garbage in front of her tent needed to be removed. First Sgt. Meiers informed her to look at the duty board and get someone to take care of it. It is the First Sgt.’s duty to see that all details are formed and duties carried out, not to assume that civilians can read, let alone understand what those chicken scratchings mean.

10^th Charge:

On the afternoon of Sunday, October 19^th, First Sgt. Meiers failed to inspect the guns prior to battle to insure water was in the water buckets, primers were in the primer pouches. This inaction resulted in the unit being slow to come into action in the face of the enemy, until someone looked in to the water bucket and noticed water was in the bucket. This prompted #4 to look into his pouch, upon doing so discovered primers magically appeared in the pouch. This would not have happened if the First Sgt. Was there to alleviate the crew’s fears.

11^th Charge:

On the afternoon of Sunday, October 19^th, First Sgt. Meiers again failed to oversee the cleaning of the guns after the battle leaving the detachments to handle this duty unsupervised. As a result both crews got lost returning to camp and wandered into the Federal camp. After the Federals questioned the crews they pinned a note on each crewman that read "If found please return to Confederate Artillery". Some are still missing.

12^th Charge:

On the afternoon of Sunday, October 19^th, First Sgt. Meiers again failed to inspect the limbers to insure they were locked and safe to leave unattended. As a result O’ Blue, the Major’s favorite coon hound ate an enormous amount of powder, wandered back to camp, sat next to the campfire, passed gas and blew himself up all over the camp cooks. The cooks had to be sent to the infirmary and later received citations for being wounded in action.

These charges are duly submitted by myself, Captain Michael J. Karnitz, Bedford Light Artillery, Alexander’s Battalion on this day, the 7^th of December in the 2003^rd year of our Lord.